The kids and I have just finished reading a wonderful five book series called The Incorrigibles of Ashton Place by Maryrose Wood. We read engrossed morning and night, feeling saddened when the last page was turned, as with all great books. The lead character Penelope Lumley often questions whether her actions or views are ‘optomuchtic’ meaning overly optimistic or falsely so.
Last night Matilda had her biggest meltdown since the horrible nights at rehab, when neurological agitation had her screaming and crying at night, unable to be comforted or knowing why she felt so terrible. As ‘the storm’ rolled over Marty, Reuben and I we had to bend and flex to her might rather than fight her. Both Reuben ( her 11 year old brother) and I have spoken to her and it appears she remembers little of what happened.
After she was asleep in bed, I wondered aloud to Marty if optimism had lest us down, could you be ‘opto-much-tic’. Had we conned ourselves that all was well when in reality we have a daughter with a fairly major and recently acquired brain injury. Could all this positivism prevent us from settling into the reality of our ‘now’ and learning to adjust to what is ‘real’? In the most blatant form I mean that I have avoided reading much about the behavioural issues associated with post-encephalitis thinking we may have dodged that bullet. It turns out that we haven’t.
Then today a new day dawned. Matilda had no recollection of what had happened and the water was clear and warm under my surfboard. The jury in my brain is out. I simply do not know what serves me better – optimism or a healthy dose of scepticism with a sprinkling of grief & reality.
One thing I strongly feel is that to hide the ‘dark side’ from my friends and family is to deny them a real chance to understand what we are experiencing. My neighbours compassion having listened to ‘the storm’ was greatly appreciated. They heard, they knew, they cared but not in a bad way.
‘Sharing is caring’ as the kids say.
Matilda after HSV Encephalitis 
Hi Nicole,so glad your day dawned calm and clear to revive you after the Storm….I’m tempted to think of the ‘light and dark in all things’ point of view, and even to wonder if a neurological stage of integration needs the odd chaos moment as part of settling into new ways and connections?? I love your opti – much – tic query, but as you say – a blend of optimism with the full-range picture is sound. Could we say opti-much-tic balances pessi-less-tic ?? Keep sailing the waves, you are doing an amazing job. love, Kerrie
LikeLike
I think this blog is a beautiful way to strike the balance between optimism and realism. It all seems so difficult – and yet you make it feel manageable. Which I’m sure it isn’t always. And I guess that with any daunting task, it’s actually a good idea to not know all that is/will be daunting. Thinking of you.
LikeLike